Posted by
Chad Phillips on Tuesday, April 03, 2007 11:13:22 PM
Loo Snobbs
Staff Writer
DisAssociatedPress
WASHINGTON - Last night, while most of America slept, Hillary Clinton (Dem-NY), John Murtha (Dem-PA), and Nancy Pelosi (Dem-CA) climbed Capitol Hill for the grudge match to end all grudge matches. After the dust cleared Nancy Pelosi was the only man standing.
The three way wrestling match was planned after it was discovered that
extra money from several PAC's was still in the congressional general fund. Under
congressional bylaws, any money not
accounted for must be
spent, and any money accounted for must also be spent. The only
question was how to spend it and who would get the honors.
Since Clinton, Murtha, and Pelosi were the only ones with access to the funds, they locked the doors and vowed not to come out until a resolution was reached. In the end, the three decided to settle the dispute like men in a contest of brute strength and will: a three way cage match.
These politicians showed their hearts were in the right place as well, donating proceeds from the event to the National Affirmative Action Committee (NAAC), National Abortion Rights Action League (NARAL), League of Women Voters (LWV), National Entitlement Program (NEP), National Teachers Union (NTU), American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), and the National Gun Control Lobby (NGCL), all organizations whose humanitarian efforts have made the US a safer, better educated, equal opportunity country.
Pelosi who has many friends in the middle east plans to use her winnings to vacation in Syria. "I've always wanted to go back to the Middle East," said Pelosi. "The Middle Eastern mind is little understood by the West. It is my hope that by extending the olive branch to these misunderstood regimes I might be a facilitator of world peace. I also hope to work on my tan."
The sold out event, which was broadcast live from Capitol Hill via satellite and payperview, is expected to take in the equivalent of the GNP of the European Union.